I have been asked this question so much, and I understand why. It's a valid question. Changing everything about your life, and moving to a country very few people know about is different. I get it. I'm aware it will be difficult, and there will probably be times I feel like I can't do it. Yet, I can't ignore the fact that I have this small, but solid feeling that I can not only do it, but do it well.
Contrary to what some people I have encountered believe, I did put months of thought into this. I did research, I prayed, I gave it so much thought that I have talked myself out of and back into going at least 5 times. Trust me, the Peace Corps doesn't sugar coat what serving will entail. They give page after page of reasons to not join. What I mean by that is, they tell you all about the bad things that could happen and rough times you will experience. They give people every possible excuse to back out, but as much as all the literature I've read scares me, it also fuels my desire to do this. On any given day I am full of excitement and fear. Some days those parts are equal and other days, the scale tips in the favor of one over the other.
My journal is filled with six months worth of entries about the Peace Corps. Starting with wondering if I should just apply and see what happens (spoiler: I got in), to doing it for the adventure, and now wanting this because I want to be part of a bigger picture of good will and servitude. I know that what I do in the Kyrgyz Republic will not drastically change the entire counrty. It would be foolish to beleive that, and I would only be setting myself up for failure and disappointment. What I want is to offer support, love, skills, and ideas to as small or large a group of people as I am able, so that they can share and add to all of it. Many small differences will add up. I'm not looking to revolutionize anything. I just want to offer what I can.
This is also an opportunity to be brave. I firmly believe that if you force yourself to do things that you are afraid of or make you nervous, amazing opportunities present themselves. A friend I have that is living and working in Thailand right now, gave me advice very similar to this. She told me to be strong and she promised I wouldn't regret it. I think that is so true. Difficult situations shape so much about how we handle all aspects of life. Though I am well aware that this journey will be the most difficult and exhausting thing I have ever faced, I also know it will be the most incredible and rewarding experience. Probably rewarding in ways I haven't even considered.
If you think I still haven't answered why, then the truth is you'll never know. The why is very personal. As much as I want to give a nice, neat, concise answer, the truth is I can't. the why is deep within my heart. It's an emotion and a yearning. It's an attitude and something I have very little control over. Every reason I stated aboove is true, but they are just parts of a greater whole. A whole that I don't know how to articulate. As Hilary Duff once said in a song that was released at the end of Disney days:
Why not take a crazy chance
Why not do a crazy dance
If we lose the moment
We might lose a lot
So why not?
If you are wondering, yes that song is on my iTunes. No, I'm not ashamed. :)
The content of this website is mine personally and does not reflect any position of the US Government or the Peace Corps
